


Something I Need

by littlellamalittlelion



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10092287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlellamalittlelion/pseuds/littlellamalittlelion
Summary: "You got something I needIn this world full of people, there's one killing meAnd if we only die onceI wanna die with you."Something I need - OneRepublic





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> So I was cleaning my room the other day, listening to some music, and, as a good phangirl, I was imagining the lyrics as being said by Dan or Phil, and placing them into the songs and fitting them in the song world. As one do in a boring day. Anyway, I kinda think this one worked pretty well, so I decided to write it. Its kinda different from the other things I have posted here, just a single chapter, but I kinda enjoy it. 
> 
> \- Dan and Phil are not mine. I used a song to be the base for this fic: Something I need by OneRepublic;
> 
> \- English is not my first language, please let me know about my mistakes and I'll fix them;
> 
> \- Originally posted on Tumblr.
> 
> Enjoy!

Dan wasn’t happy. He just had a really awful week, and all he wanted to do was sleep for three years, and come back to a new life. No, no one died. No one was in a coma. No one tried to kill him. He was not attacked by anyone nor anything. Noting happened to him. In someone else’s eye his week was probably just as normal as all the other ones, but for him it wasn’t. The problem for Dan was that he had been in a constant existencial crise for over 8 days. To the point that in his last nigh of sleep he dreamed about dying and not doing all that he wanted to do in his life. He dreamed about how life was too short to keep trying to lie to himself and everyone else about the fact that he had always been in love with his best friend and flatmate, Phil Lester. 

 

Phil knew that something was wrong with his best friend. He knew that Dan had been having problems with his crises more often, but he couldn’t help much, since his friend was being very private and quiet about it. He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how. He had an idea though.

 

“Dan, come on, get up, we are going out.” Said Phil, waking Dan up. “Peej called, we are doing game night in his place, with him, Sophie, Felix and Marzia. Get up or I will pull you out of those blankets, and I don’t care if you are naked under them, I will push you out of the house. Our train leaves in 40 minutes, go.”

 

“I hate you.” Said Dan, covering his eyes. He didn’t want to get up.

 

“You love me. I’ll go make coffee.” Said Phil, leaving Dan behind, to change. Under his covers Dan answered with a ‘I really do’ but Phil couldn’t hear it. So he got up and changed, getting ready for the day.

 

They had a lot of fun at PJ’s house, drinking a lot of wine, playing different board and cards games, watching and discussing animes. They played ‘Heads Up’ and Dan and Phil won over the two couples, they always win the games that need connection, doesn’t matter how long the couples are together, they always had a stronger connection between them, and Dan was more aware of it everyday that passed. It was part of his crises, the fact that they were perfect for each other, and have been for the past six years, but Phil doesn’t notice it, and he is not brave enough to be the one that  changes it. So he drank. For the whole night. In between glasses of wine and weird conversations about things they do for living, and for fun, a completely drunk and senseless Dan made an entire speech about how no matter what happens they would always have each other. And that was the time they decided that they had enough.

 

After too many glasses of wine and some cocktails it was too late and Dan was too drunk to leave Brighton, so they accepted the offer to sleep in PJ and Sophie’s house. Well, Phil accepted, since Dan had already passed in the spare bedroom. The five of them that were still in conditions to talk and walk said their goodbyes, so Felix and Marzia left, PJ and Sophie went to bed, and Phil was left to choose between sleeping on the couch, or sharing a kingsize bed with Dan. He chose the bed. It was only 1am, but he was really tired. 

 

Dan woke up with a really strong headache after a weird dream. It was only a few minutes after 2am, and he felt like shit. He changed position on the bed, and noticed that Phil was asleep next to him. Phil. The reason why he had so many problems with living for the past few days. The person that had been killing him on the inside, because he felt like he couldn’t live with hiding how he felt, but he couldn’t say much, or he would loose his best friend. And he couldn’t live without Phil either. Dan kept staring at Phil’s face, trying to relax so he could sleep again, trying to tell himself that everything was going to be okay, that all was going to be fine.  But it didn’t work. 

 

After a few hours suffering in silence, trying to be silent and quiet about his crises, Dan finally woke Phil up with his sobbing. 

 

“Dan! What is wrong, are you okay?” Asked Phil worried, looking for his glasses on the bedside table.

 

“No. Nothing is okay. Nothing is ever gonna be okay. I am tired of pretending that I am fine. I have no more strength to do this. I can’t.” Answered him, crying even more. 

 

“So tell me what is wrong! You’ve been sad and weird for days, I wanna help. Please Dan.” Phil begged, siting next to his friend. Dan was still kinda drunk, he was tired, he had a headache, and he was actually suffering, so he was not thinking very well, and let everything out. 

 

“That is the thing Phil. You can’t help. You are the reason why I am like this. The only person on the world that can make me get better, is myself, but then I will just loose you, and I won’t be okay anymore. I can’t live without you. At the same time, I can’t live lying to you. In this entire world full of people, there is one killing me, and I just realized that this person isn’t you, like I was thinking before, it is myself. I should just be brave and tell you that I am in love with you, but I can’t. I wish I could just tell you that if I could choose anyone in the world to die next to, it would be you, I wish I could just tell you that there is something about you, that I need in my life forever. That part of you that sees the best in everything and every situation, that part of you that see colors where I just see darkness. The part of you that makes me smile trough the pain, the one that gives my life a meaning. You got this thing, that I can’t live without, and it is the reason why I am suffering. You being only my friend, is not enough for me. I need more of you, I need you in a more deep relationship with me, so I can feel like I am a whole person. I don’t feel like an entire person, I feel like a shell of myself, you are the life inside of me, and without you I have nothing.  I know we are different from each other, and that is what makes us so prefect for each other in my mind. We have a connection, like to opposite sides being dragged to each other. I know that in the end, if we only had each other,  we would be okay. But I can’t tell you this, I just can’t, in the moment I do I'll have nothing left. You will leave me, and I will be a broken shell on the shore. And here I am, telling you all of this, felling my heart being dragged out of my chest, and put in a table for you to cut open. Maybe its because I drank a lot last night, and I don’t have much control over my mouth, maybe is because I can’t deal with all the feels and I just exploded over you. Maybe because I like to suffer. I don’t know. I just… If I only have one life, I don’t want to live it with regrets. If I’m only going to die once, I want to die next to you. Damn it Phil, if we are only going to live once. I want to live with you. I wanna look back in my life and see an “us” and not a “me” in the picture. You and me, Dan and Phil.”  Dan said in one go, crying, putting his heart out.

 

Phil took a few minutes to process the whole thing. Dan was in love with him. Check. Dan was suffering trying to hide this for a long time. Check. Dan was afraid that now Phil would leave him and hate him. Check. Dan was wrong. Check. Phil was crying in the same intensity as Dan. Check.

 

“You freaking drunk turnip.” That was all that could leave Phil’s mouth before he pushed his body over Dan’s and hugged him, falling back into the bed. He kept his arms strong around his best friend proving to him that he was not going anywhere, that he was not leaving. They stayed like that, just hugging, for a couple minutes, until Phil opened his mouth again. “I could never leave you. Even if I wasn’t in love with you, I was not going to let you go away, or just go away myself, because you love me. I would never do that. You are the only person I want to live and die with too.” Phil said, leaving the embrace to look into Dan’s eyes. “I hate that you suffered and worried about all of this, because all you suffer was in vain. I love you Dan. I want to live forever with you, I want to grow old and die with you and only you.” And he pushed his body down, to join his lips to Dan’s.

 

They kept kissing and hugging and cuddling for hours, before PJ and Sophie woke up. Neither of them were ready to talk about everything that happened that night, but they did leave the room holding hands, and kissed in front of their friends, so even though loads of questions were going to fall over them one day, they were happy no one asked a single thing at that moment, and they were able to leave without problems and head home. Both of the boys stopped at their room doors, thinking about where they would lay down to rest. They didn’t want to lay down alone, and imagine that everything was a dream, so with just a look, both of them decided to stay in Dan’s room. They cuddled in the bed, just holding each other, thinking about life.

 

“What do you think is going to happen when people find out about us?” Asked Dan after moments of silence.

 

“I don’t know. I don’t care.”

 

“Do you care about anything right now?” Asked Dan, looking at Phil’s eye.

 

“I care about you. I care about us. I care about our future.”

 

“Will you marry me someday?” Asked Dan after a couple of minutes.

 

“Maybe...” Said Phil with a cheeky smile. 

 

“I hate you, you know?”

 

“I love you too Dan Lester.” Phil smiled,looking at his boyfriend (?), fiancé (?). 

 

“I love you future Mr.Howell. Until we die.”

 

“And maybe after that.” Completed Phil, with a wink, that made Dan laugh. Phil stopped his laughter with a kiss, and they felt back to the cuddles in bed. In that moment Dan learned something: Everything was going to be alright, if they were together to face it. 

 

 

THE END

 


End file.
